I had intended on writing something every day and I will work on that. I just have too much going on at the moment and am emotionally “under the weather”. Emotionally under the weather is also referred to as partly cloudy, rainy and full out thunderstorms. I am usually maintaining a “partly cloudy” status these days, but just like my home state of Kansas, just stick around me for a bit and the weather will change. I am normally a partly sunny type but I have had 5 deaths in my “family” of ‘people’ with-in four months! Three were my dogs, one my most beloved in the whole world, my brother and a dear friend. I know I am strong but gee… this would break even the strongest of people. I am hanging in there, but just seems like one more thing right after another. I know I am being tested… “HEY, HELLO! I think I passed. Now let’s get back to moving forward. I need a break for a while okay? Please.”
Life will always throw us into the front seat of that rollercoaster once in awhile, throwing a plethora of activity and emotions at us, as life is about growing and learning lessons and we can’t do that if everything is perfect all the time. You can’t appreciate the good times ( I mean REALLY appreciate) without the bad times to give you a mode of reference. And no matter how hard things get there is always something, no matter how small, to be grateful for. I get out the magnifying glass sometimes, but ah ha! There it is!
On top of all of that is my mother, change in job status and income, new business venture, along with all of my daily duties. I try to only focus on just a few things at a time, because I would drown in the sea of things going on right now.
Did I mention previously that my 93 year old mother lives with me. She has moderate dementia and can be very difficult at times. Most of the time things go pretty smoothly, but some days she just likes to push my buttons and try my patience. Some would say it is debatable as to whether she knows she is doing this or not, but she still has a lot of clarity most of the time, and since this was a normal trait her whole life long, I do believe she likes to push my buttons to get attention. The difficult days are always when I am trying to get work done and not paying attention to her. Hmm…. those that do not know her, and have not lived their life growing up with her, blow it off to the dementia. Okay… I will send her to your house for a month… you will find out! Seriously, if you still have a parent, give them a hug. It is not easy on the daughter/son caregiver becoming the parent… and I am sure they (your parent) would not like it any more than you do if they fully understood the role reversal.
I have had a pretty wild 2019 and the last half of 2018 is when it started a downward spiral. Here is just a list of what has happened: New $13,000 roof – roof leaks in three places and ruined my sheetrock ceiling in three rooms (still fighting that one), new basement flooded and I virtually moved all my stored stuff out by myself (except for two items) including Queen mattress and box springs, old basement flooded (still fighting that one), Electrical issues (2 fried computers!) that took me on a wild goose chase replacing breakers and outlets and it was on DSO’s side! Moving 25 years of stuff out of a room for roommate in just a few days with no notice, helping roommate move in (using my van loading up from her current residence and moving to mine), roommate moved out, Propane guy got stuck in my field – wrecker tore up driveway too – can’t mow field or ditches, dogs can’t run field, my new used Van had some damage from the torn up driveway… Lost my biggest account… There is more most likely, my senses are dulled and swimming in a sea of murkiness…
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